Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
