things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
