Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
