I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
