Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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