Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no, he came in my armpit
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i think i just lost a toe
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