she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
