White coat. Heels.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
