I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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