well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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