our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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