this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
