Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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