the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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