I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
