Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
