Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
