to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you win again, gameday.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
