He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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