Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
