And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
