how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
