I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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