don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
