I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
