we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
