Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
