Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
