Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The Olympian is in my bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
