I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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