The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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