Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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