you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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