last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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