So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
