he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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