Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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