the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
