I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
