Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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