It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
