you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
