He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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