Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
