My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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