Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so let's talk penis.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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