Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
