Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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