and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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