Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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