I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
