Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
