I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize