I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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