so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
