I think I won the penis lottery.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My ATM looks so different sober.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
