you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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