there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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