Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
