he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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