Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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