you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
