cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.