Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.