I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.