Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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(702): View more from Nevada

Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.

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(954): View more from Florida

I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.

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(303): View more from Colorado

This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(571): View more from Virginia

I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

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(443): View more from Maryland

the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE

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(302): View more from Delaware

THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA

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(678): View more from Georgia

So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.

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