put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
