Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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