dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
