Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
