How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
