careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
