I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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