I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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