Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
