Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
