So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A+ Viking dick
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
