dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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