Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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