I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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