Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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