I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
