one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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