I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
