I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
