So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
