I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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