I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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